BeverlyArmyWilliams – Page 15 – Beverly Army Williams

On Professional Envy

I tell my creative writing students that they should be envious. They should seek out the moments in the stories, essays, poems we read when they feel that ugly emotion, notice it, and then dig into the work to understand what they envy.

It’s how my writing teachers trained me to read. Reading this way means I will always have writing mentors, and they will be at my finger tips night and day.

There’s a different kind of envy, one that feels less useful: professional envy.

Lately I’ve felt it when I

get a rejection email the same day a friend gets an acceptance
notice a less experienced blogger has a higher subscription number than I do
am passed over for promotion
fail to get a grant

Envy is ugly. Today as I felt it, felt myself spinning into a dark place of telling myself nothing I do is good enough, I paused.

What if I treated professional envy the same way I was trained to treat writerly envy?

What if, instead of feeling ugly, I could find a way to feel hopeful?

What if I

ask friends with recent acceptances to share their submission strategies?
use my blogging experiences to write more guest posts and meet new subscribers?
write about my experiences as contingent faculty?
create a spreadsheet with upcoming application deadlines, similar to Liana’s 5-yr writing Excel sheet

A conversation on Twitter gave me some ideas, too:

Dig in to compete with myself more
Focus on my accomplishments and allow myself to feel proud
Quiet my mind with deep breaths
Don’t compare my inside to someone else’s outside
Revel in my awesome
If all else fails, bake

I suspect a lot of creative professionals feel similar envy. I strive to lift up my friends, to celebrate their triumphs, and I’ll continue to do so. Starting today, I’ll also acknowledge my professional envy and harness it to help me achieve my own dreams.

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Ten on Tuesday: On My Mind Edition

Carole asked for Ten Things on My Mind. It is an odd place, the mind, so prepare for randomness:

1. Dreams. I so rarely remember my dreams, but lately I’ve woken from a few that have stuck. They are always gruesome. Always. Today, upon 6 a.m. discovery that my university closed for weather, I snuggled under the covers only to awake from a dream about two gangs fighting on the roof of a hotel. There were turtles involved, but not Teenage Mutant Ninjas, rest assured.

2. France. In late May I’m heading to France to spend almost three weeks with Sara. I can’t stop thinking about it!

3. This pattern. Pretty much all of Kate Davies patterns, if I’m to be honest.

4. Potholders. I’ve been hard at work on the last two for my e-book Little Potholders with Big Ideas (click to pre-order!). Next week my graphic artist will take them all for their photo shoot. I can’t wait to see how he styles them!

5. Summer. Now that spring break is over, I’m closing in on summer break. Don’t get me wrong. I love my work. I’m just eager to spend sustained time on my own creative projects.

6. Sketching. I’m taking a class with Katie Rodgers to develop my fashion illustration skills. When I say develop, I mean from nothing. I enjoy sketching, but my skills are elementary. I’m learning a lot, though!

7. The Good Blog Project. I’ve been working with Courtney Carver through this project. She’s helped me to articulate what I want to do and start creating the work that is important to me. She’s opening another session in May, and I can’t recommend it enough.

8. Bloom. This is my One Little Word for 2013. It is constantly on my mind as I strive to bloom in a variety of ways.

9. Finding a writing scholarship. Not for myself, but to donate to. Charlotte Rains Dixon and I have hatched a writing project, and we want to donate proceeds from it to a writing scholarship for young women. It’s challenging to find one, though, so if you know of a great program, will you pass along information?

10. Biking. This snow day is a nice treat, but I was just beginning to think it is time to pull out my road bike. I can’t wait to bike outside!

What’s on your mind?

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On My Way to White: Autumn Wheat*

Because I want other women considering this shift to see my process, I’ll share even the ugly pictures.

Here’s my hair a few days prior to the appointment.

Phase 1: bleach cap. My fabulous stylist Emily made a concoction of bleach with shampoo and water to dilute the bleach. I see my future as a lunch lady at this point of the day.

Round 1 washed out. The color came down quite a bit. I love how white my character streak is now!

Round 2: I have never had so many foils in my hair! Emily put in loads of highlights, which will help blend the white as my natural color grows out.

Round 2 washed out. My hair sucked up the toner, and the ends are once again nearly as dark as when we began. Naughty, naughty ends. Emily cut a bit off the bottom to see if that would help. It did not.

Round 3: Emily put on another round of highlights. She hadn’t wanted to, but it really did make a difference. She cut at least two inches off.

Finished: Here I am, hair shorter than it has been in a long time, lighter than it has been in about 15 years. I’m not quite used to it. To be honest, I’m mourning the inches off–no more braids or up-dos for a while. I know it will grow back, and it will grow back silver.

Next salon visit will include more highlights, and then it really comes down to patience from that point. I’ll keep you posted!

Thanks for checking out the pictures and for all the encouragement. I cannot wait to see what my hair looks like a year from now!

*I asked Neal what he would call the color, and Autumn Wheat was his reply. Some day he’ll tell me “ice queen white”.

Emma Jean: a Review

Let me start by saying I’ve studied with Charlotte Rains Dixon and think highly of her. Perhaps our relationship will color my review, but I’m going to imagine it won’t.

Notice the photo: it was a Sunday night, my favorite night for a long bubbly soak. Notice the book: Emma Jean’s Bad Behavior. I’m here to tell you that a soak (or a blanket on the beach, or a cozy chair by the fire) is the perfect setting for reading this delightful novel. I want, in fact, to call it a romance novel, because I believe it is. Not a romance between a couple, although there is that in spades, but a romance between the heroine and herself. She faces the truth that her life is not what she imagined it to be, and she struggles with that truth until she reaches an understanding of what it is she actually wants from life and how close she is to having that authentic experience she craves. And learns to love herself and her life in a new way during her journey.

Dixon writes with a voice that is fun to read, and Emma Jean is so flawed as a person that I can’t help but adore her. Here’s an excerpt from my GoodReads review:

I want to crawl into the pages of the novel and be the friend she’s desperate to find. Emma Jean is a seeker. She’s seeking love, happiness, enlightenment, recognition, connection. She’s seeking to understand what it means to be a 48-year-old woman who no longer recognizes her life. Having found my own life unrecognizable at times, I related to her.

While at times the pace feels rushed, I never once believed the author was not in control. In fact, after finishing the book, it occurred to me that the pacing changes reflect Emma Jean’s own changes in thinking…the moments when she feels a bit wild with trying so hard to understand, and the moments when she sinks into what life has handed her.

I could not put the book down as I read the last 100 pages. I confess to my own bad behavior in ignoring the world for an afternoon so I could see what would become of Emma Jean.

Want to know?

She becomes even more endearing.

I’ll say it again.

I adore Emma Jean. Her gumption, her hope, her vulnerability.

You probably will, too.

Charlotte Rains Dixon will make a guest appearance at PoMo Golightly soon. In the meantime, give yourself a few hours of pleasure and spend it with Emma Jean!

Ten on Tuesday: Green Edition

Carole invited us to celebrate St. Patty’s day a little early with a list of 10 Favorite Things that are Green.

1. Remember this? My wedding shawl remains my very favorite green thing. Scout custom-dyed the yarn, and I put my heart into knitting this, my first big lace project. I wear it every year on our anniversary!

2. My house frog. He was waiting for me in the dirt that passed for a back yard at my Albuquerque condo. Now he sits on my studio windowsill, a reminder of one of my favorite homes.

3. Smitten Kitchen’s ribboned asparagus salad. Simple to make and so delicious!

4. The garden. We had a big melt this weekend, and I just know spring, and more green, are right around the corner.

5. Knitting. Well, it isn’t all green, but I use a lot of green yarn, and my Clover stitch counter is green. Yay!

6. Ferns. I like how they look, and I especially like encountering a mass of them while hiking.

7. My cross-country skis (the green ones, of course). I don’t mind putting them away for the season, but they are among my favorite green things.

8. My kind of cowl. I knit this for Rhinebeck 2010, and it remains one of my most-worn knits. Misti-alpaca is cuddly!

9. Baseball parks. Surprising, right? I’m not a huge baseball fan, but I do enjoy going to a nice ball park, admiring the green, green grass, and eating Cracker Jack.

10. Neal. Okay, he’s not green, nor is he a thing, but I’m listing him. I’m so proud of his commitment to protecting the environment and to helping others do the same. And what’s more green than being, well, green?

How about you? Favorite green things welcome!

Information Overload

I love to learn. Knowledge rocks my world. When meeting someone new, I secretly wonder, like Emma, “is he a man of information?” I get a rush from being an early adapter, from knowing the news, from being well read.

Social media was made for a person like me. I was a little late to the blogging party (2005), but thereafter, when I heard about a new way to interact, I was on it.

Last summer, though, everything changed. I found myself spending far too much time on Facebook, reading posts that did little to enrich my connection to friends. Sure, meaningful communication can happen there, but with nearly 400 friends, no way could I imagine that real relationship building was happening with more than a few folks. At a time when I crave community more than ever, I was losing sleep from anxiety.

After some long, hard thinking, I made a decision. I posted a statement on Facebook that read

After coping with information-overload-induced anxiety, I’ve decided to use FB in a different way. I’m eliminating my friends list (not eliminating our friendships, though! email me any time!) and remaining in a few groups that communicate only here. I know you will all understand and tell me about the big ups and downs in your lives by email, phone, or in person. MWAH

Facebook doesn’t make it easy to delete friends. Honestly, though, I thought more about most of my people while I culled the list than I had in a while. I whittled the list down to about 50 people. There were some hard choices, but with very few exceptions, I deleted

Family (I can email or call them any time)
Acquaintances from real-life circles (if we haven’t become more than acquaintances yet, chance are we won’t)
Co-workers (we see each other at work; I’ll hear their news there)
People I don’t really know (see acquaintances)

On my list I kept a few very close friends. Even though we can communicate other ways, I like to see Sara’s pictures, and Sarah’s videos of her hilarious kids are, well, hilarious. Pals from my NY and my NM days stayed on the list, as did professionals whose work I admire and want to be certain to hear about.

I still use Twitter regularly. I don’t feel overwhelmed there. When a conversation gets going there, I shift it to email. I’m on Ravelry every day; I love to see what my crafty peeps have posted. I stopped using Instagram and renewed my relationship with Flickr. Why did I need two places to share my shots? I hop on Facebook a few times a week, but it no longer overwhelms or distracts me.

I’d love to hear how you handle information overload when you feel it.

On that note, I’m honored to be included in Be More With Less’s Simplicity in Action series. If you’re visiting from BMWL, welcome!

Ten on Tuesday: Hurrah for March Edition

Darling buds Carole asked for Ten Reasons I’m Happy it is March. Easy peasy!

1. Day lilies and other green friends pop up to say hello.

2. Spring break. Five blissful work-free weekdays are right around the corner.

3. Crochet Month. I’m celebrating by completing the last two potholders for my e-book collection. My designer nephew will photograph the collection on his spring break, and by summer, a beautiful new version of the e-book with fabulous pictures and loads of detailed instructions will replace the current pdf.

4. Daylight Savings Time begins. I can’t wait for that extra hour of light at the end of the day.

5. Spring cleaning. We’re in the throes of Mud Season (the famous fourth New England season), yet I anticipate the floor scrubbing and window-throwing-open that comes with warmer days.

6. Neal’s ready to move forward with the porch. He made great strides before winter shut down his building schedule. This weekend he’ll be back out there, finishing the ceiling and walls, adding screens and doors, and generally creating a lovely 3-season space. There will be much crafting and writing and listening to ball games on the radio out there!

7. Menu shifts with the availability of early-spring produce. Next week I’ll finally make my favorite Spring Vegetable Stew* from A Year In a Vegetarian Kitchen.

8. Potential to bike outside increases. I just need a few dry, warmer days, and ol’ Trixie will make her first appearance of 2013.

9. St. Patrick’s Day. I don’t eat corned beef any more, but I’ll still fix some soda bread and potatoes and cabbage and raise a pint to celebrate my Irish heritage.

10. March is closer to May, when I’ll head to France to visit my Sara!

In past years, NCAA men’s basketball tournament would have been on my list, but my Huskies are not invited to the dance this year because of transgressions many years back. Too bad. We have a team with tons of heart. I think they would have played some exciting ball.

Still, March leads to April, and that is the very best part of the month, isn’t it?

*Hearty Spring Vegetable Stew: a recipe

2 T olive oil

2 Medium leeks, white & light green parts, thinly sliced

1 14.5 oz can diced tomatoes

Salt & freshly ground black pepper

1 large fennel bulb (about 1.25 lb), stalks discarded, fronds minced, and bulb cut into 1/2-inch-thick strips

3 cups vegetable broth (more as needed)

6 medium turnips (about 1 lb), peeled & cut into 1″ dice

2 medium parsnips (about 1/2 lb), peeled & cut into 1″ dice

5 oz peeled baby carrots

1/4 cup fresh parsley leaves

Heat oil in large casserole or Dutch oven over medium heat until shimmering. Add leeks & cook until tender, about 3 minutes. Add tomatoes, s&p to taste, and simmer until mixture thickens, about 5 minutes. Add the sliced fennel bulb & cook, stirring often, until fennel softens slightly, about 10 minutes. If fennel starts to stick or burn, lower heat.

Add broth & bring to boil. Add turnips, parsnips, carrots, and simmer gently, uncovered, until vegetables are tender but not mushy, about 30 minutes. If stew becomes too thick, add more broth as needed.

Stir in minced fennel fronds & parsley and adjust seasoning, adding s&p to taste. Serve over creamy polenta.

Why, Hello, Lambikins

March arrived like a little lamb; we all know what that means. Brace yourselves!

March marks National Crochet Month and Women’s History Month, and I thought I’d write about both this month…and sometimes both together.

I’ll start by asking you two questions:

1. What do you like about crochet (don’t crochet? what’s stopping you?)

2. Who is a woman you admire (from history, public life, or your personal life) and why?

If you have a blog and write about either crochet or women’s history, be sure to leave a link. I’d love to read what you have to say on either topic!

Ten on Tuesday: Winter-be-Gone Edition

The excitement for winter that bubbled in my spirit even just two short weeks ago has burst. Carole’s invitation to list Ten Reasons Why I am Ready for Winter to be Over couldn’t be more timely!

1. Mud. Okay, it’s part of spring, too, but at least in spring a little afternoon sunshine sucks some of the moisture out of the mud. Just last night when I took out the dogs, my rain boots were caked in mud. Caked, I tell you!

2. Snow. I love snow. Love. I was giddy to have a blizzard on my birthday. Now, though, the snow is just junky, not even ski-able. If I can’t play in it, I would rather not look at it.

3. Closed Windows. The first day we get in the mid to upper 40s, I’m opening all the windows and airing out the house.

4. Food. The first few months of roasted squash, kale salads, and hot cereal are fantastic. Now I want fresh asparagus, barely steamed. I want garlic scapes. I want farm-fresh produce and local fruit.

5. Buds. Is there anything more happy-making than seeing the lilac buds grow bigger? Probably, but they do make me darn happy!

6. Peonies. I adore seeing the purple shoots emerge from the dirt. They are one of my favorite flowers and lovely harbingers of warm weather.

7. Birds. We keep a bird feeder on the weeping cherry that fills our living room view. This time of year, the variety is slim. I can’t wait for the hummingbirds to start jetting around again.

8. Bikes. I ride the inside bike. It is not the same, though. No, it is not even close to the fun factor that a bike on the road provides.

9. Porch Time. Neal spent last summer putting up an enclosed porch. There is finishing work to be done, but as soon as winter is over, I can start enjoying it. After a year sans deck, I’m eager to have a nice spot to sit, read, knit, write, weave, crochet, chat, and sip wine.

10. Light. I’ve been driving Neal to the bus stop, and it’s lovely to go out at 6:30 into the light. I enjoy driving home from work in the light, too.

It’s clear that I am DONE with winter. I’m ready for pastels and dainty things. Down with hunkering! Up with fresh air!

My Hot Hair Mess

Two weeks ago I was supposed to be in my stylist’s chair, entering the next phase of my Silver Locks Project.

Alas, my car would not start.

I had to cancel. Em’s busy, and we finally chatted yesterday to reschedule.

“Are the hair gods against this?” she asked. Trust me, I’ve wondered the same thing.

“If so, we’ll defy them,” I said.

I asked Em for advice on how I handle this awkward time, with my locks still brunette and my roots white as, well, snow?

Two options:

1. I can touch up the roots just at my part with this fabu product.

2. I can grin and bear the dreaded skunk stripe.

For now, I’m going with option 2. My next appointment is still three weeks away, so that may change.

Want to see how the silver grows? Of course you do:

I spread the character streak out a little to make the contrast easier to see; yellow hair is bleached. White is my future.

Author: BeverlyArmyWilliams